Too Cool for God?

A poem musing on my path back to deep Faith…

Shattered by my self-flagellation…
Shuttered by self-inflicted penance…
Lost, alone by self-design…
And seeking self-redemption…
I lost the thread of His great Mercy…
Buried myself in sackcloth and ashes…

Held my head up way too high…
Smiled and pretended I didn’t care…
Denied my lost and wandering soul…
Filled with greed, sycophants, eyeing fame…
Pirouette… smile… dance the empty dance…
When did I become too cool for God?

When life was drained of all true meaning…
Abandoned to spiritual starvation…
When left with this longing of my soul…
I became jaded, cynical, incohesive.
The Godly I saw as gullible,
Old fashioned and just plain creepy…
Bible thumpin’ fanatics -- religious nuts.

But, a heart without words…
Facing an unknown future
In a world of confusion and noise…
Brought finally to finally realize
I can’t tune out the Voice of God.
A love for God sustains me.

A heart without word… restless…
May I always find rest in Him!
There’s joy in the presence of God,
And in every deed a purpose.
But, now I ask and I consider…
Am I cool enough for God?

Have I done to much and gone too wrong?
Am I still worthy of his Grace?
How can I even show my face?
Am I cool enough for God?
That doesn’t even matter!
‘Cause He’s cool enough for me!D. Denise Dianaty
© 03 September 2014