Shadowed Forests of the Past

A place I left behind when “Hope was born anew…
Bad old, dark places…
Places where my life no longer dwells…
Looking back upon the past…
That wasting, dark, drear past…
Come words from a long ago
Where my soul no longer cowers.

A place of wrenching loneliness
always on the edge of light,
waiting to drag me back…
back into it's embrace….
I just kept trying to hold on,
trying to hold out for love;

But, every day that passed without it,
Loneliness lurked to overwhelm.
And, darker still, monsters lurked…
Monsters lurked at every… every turn…
Soul shattering dramas spun out
in relentless perversions of hope.

Until that pivotal moment…
that time when change began…
Change began and Hope was born…
Hope born anew within my breast.
In that Hope, on angel’s breath…
An angel-friend led me forward.

She led me through the dark
and back to light and Faith.
I learned the true Me…
the truest Me I was meant to be
And learning Me, I learned Love.
Learning Love, I learned to love.

It's a truly blessed state…
In brilliant shining sunlight…
A place of laughter and love and joy…
Such have I found for myself…
After the long, dark road through tortured,
Shadowed forests of the past.

by D. Denise Dianaty
©19 September 2014

Poem: “To the Me That Was…”

A commentary in poetical form to myself at the age of thirteen, when things were at their worst and despair seemed to be the only future ahead…

You there… yes… you

You’re the me that was.

I’m the me who’ll be you.

A chance to end is lost.

No love behind her gate…

Another year has gone.

Just lost… lost in her hate…

Beaten down… down… down… done.

I know you wanna die.

Think you’ll end all the lies.

Again secreted the tools… sigh

The means of your demise…

Starving yourself to perfect

some ideal upon you shamed,

with no one near to protect

from her vision on you profaned.

Another Summer’s on the horizon

At hand now’s a short reprieve

Don’t despair… she never won

Off to Gran’s where love you’ll receive

These Summers are your respite

from the unremitting torment.

In those halcyon days will joy flit,

until home again you must be sent.

You’ll survive her madness

and leave her insanity behind.

Life will shine for you, I promise,

Coming to you, a heart and eyes so kind.

I swear to you, by all Heaven,

More love and joy will come

Than all the suffering she’ll leaven.

For each dark day, a hundred in the sun…

Love and joy so much better

Than you can imagine of a lover

Pressed down, shaken together…

I pledge… yes, and running over… 

Whispered kisses and a healing space…

A lover strong and kind and bright…

A gentle heart of endless grace…

Ebony eyes will shine with Love’s light…

They will shine only for you 
and for the person you will become in me.

by D. Denise Dianaty

© 19 November 2014 MomzillaNC

Pick up your own copy of my first book of poetry, entitled My Life In Poetry at D. Denise Dianaty