A commentary in poetical form to myself at the age of thirteen, when things were at their worst and despair seemed to be the only future ahead…
You there… yes… you
You’re the me that was.
I’m the me who’ll be you.
A chance to end is lost.
No love behind her gate…
Another year has gone.
Just lost… lost in her hate…
Beaten down… down… down… done.
I know you wanna die.
Think you’ll end all the lies.
Again secreted the tools… sigh
The means of your demise…
Starving yourself to perfect
some ideal upon you shamed,
with no one near to protect
from her vision on you profaned.
Another Summer’s on the horizon
At hand now’s a short reprieve
Don’t despair… she never won
Off to Gran’s where love you’ll receive
These Summers are your respite
from the unremitting torment.
In those halcyon days will joy flit,
until home again you must be sent.
You’ll survive her madness
and leave her insanity behind.
Life will shine for you, I promise,
Coming to you, a heart and eyes so kind.
I swear to you, by all Heaven,
More love and joy will come
Than all the suffering she’ll leaven.
For each dark day, a hundred in the sun…
Love and joy so much better
Than you can imagine of a lover
Pressed down, shaken together…
I pledge… yes, and running over…
Whispered kisses and a healing space…
A lover strong and kind and bright…
A gentle heart of endless grace…
Ebony eyes will shine with Love’s light…
They will shine only for you
and for the person you will become in me.
