#Sexism and #Inequality

A gentleman direct messaged me with the assertion: “inequality between genders is no longer a thing…” He included the assertions that he’s not trying to troll, that men are actually disadvantaged now, and that he’s just trying to be informed. I’ll begin by recommending people who believe these statements to do a bit of research – starting with government provided, publicly available-to-all statistics. I’ll continue by posing a few questions and sharing a few examples:

Were you aware that women in the Trump WH make 63¢ on the dollar that men make?

Were you aware that women, until the ACA, were charged nearly double what men were charged for healthcare – and that was BEFORE adding pregnancy coverage?

Were you aware that businesses and companies STILL refuse to talk to wives unless definitively specified by their husbands – but that no such limitation exists for men. My husband and I have a loan on our home; my name is on the title. But, when the mortgage company calls, they refuse to speak to me beyond leaving a contact number and message for my husband. Yet, the credit card which is in MY NAME, from the same company, upon which my husband is merely an approved user, has no qualms with full disclosure to my husband.

Were you aware that on average in America women make 79¢ to the dollar men make for the same jobs – and that we women are delighted with this “progress” over the last fifty years or so.

Were you aware that women alone are less likely to be approved for mortgages? Were you aware that women alone are less likely to be approved for small business loans?

Were you aware that women who do manage to get approved for loans are likely to be approved for LESS than men with the same financial prospects?

EXAMPLES OF SEXISM:
When my husband called a flooring company out for an estimate, they came and met with him and never considered me. When I tried to schedule a few appointments with competitors to compare costs, they would not meet with me unless “both decision makers” were present. My husband called two of them back and nothing was mentioned of “both decision makers” when he scheduled their visits.

Have you ever met a man who lost a job because he was having a baby? I personally lost a career job for that reason – I lost a baby, did not miss one day of work, but was foolish enough to answer the boss’ question when he asked if I was going to keep trying to get pregnant. Next thing I know, this award winning graphic designer was out of a job.

I know numerous women – especially service sector workers – who’ve lost their jobs because of their pregnancies. They return from a few weeks of maternity leave to find their job gone and they’ve been relegated to demotion (a common occurrence professionally); or, more likely, they don’t get enough hours put on the schedule to be able to afford to keep that job – that’s what getting pushed out of a job looks like in the service sector.

I’ve also worked jobs where I trained guys, who went on to be promoted above me.

Was that a man thrown out of the Speaker of the House’s corridor for dressing for the weather in DC? It was not.

Is it a common occurrence for women to push past men and grope them? It is for women.

Is it a common occurrence for people to comment on men’s bodies either negatively or positively? It is for women.

Is it a common occurrence for people to tell men, during serious and/or profession conversations that they need to smile? It is for women.

Do men get told to “let it go” or “sit down and be quiet” or “laugh it off” or – worst of all – “that’s just the way things are?” Women and girls are told these kinds of things all the time.

Have you ever been advised not to go somewhere public just to preserve your physical safety? Women are advised not to walk alone anywhere, especially at night. Women are taught to makes sure someone knows who they’re with and where they’re going. Women are taught that getting into a car with a new guy is accepting the physical risks that implies.

Have you ever been warned not to dress as you see fit because it entices sexual advances? Women and girls are told that all the time.

Have you ever had your male biology legislated? All non-CIS-male biologies are legislated.

Does a man have to fight for access to birth control?

Does a man have to fight for access to his little blue pill?

Is there any law concerning men even approaching the recent law in Arkansas requiring women to get the sperm donor’s permission for an abortion – even if the sperm donor is the woman’s rapist? The list of examples could go on to fill a dozen libraries… or more.

Inequality is real. There is inequality in gender and in ethnicity. If you are genuinely seeking an enlightened social intellect, it begins with being willing to accept the fact of inequality. Gains in equality are not taking anything from the fortunate-birth white-CIS-male biology; it is merely sharing the privileges with all persons which are accorded white-CIS-males by virtue of birth. See, that’s what “privilege” is: it is an advantage in life that has nothing to do with talent or skill or deservedness. The struggle for gender equality, ultimately, is the struggle for equality for all humanity.

Sexism and Ingrained Misogyny

It’s interesting the way MEN who’ve never had to face the immersive totality of sexism and culturally ingrained misogyny feel so confident condemning the very idea of such ingrained gender discrimination. Look… I get it. No guy thinks he is a misogynist. No guy who considers himself an honorable person wants to accept such a glaring defect in his social intellect. That’s why misogyny still exists. And yes, women can be culturally ingrained anti-feminist misogynists too. People with the social intellect to recognize the problem and brave enough to call it out are attacked by those who are too squeamish to acknowledge their own ingrained, casual misogyny.

Sure… you guys don’t beat your wife or kids. You don’t make your women wear burkas. You don’t have a problem with women working. You don’t sell your daughters in marriage. Heck… you’re probably even all for lesbian intimacy for entertainment. 

Truthfully, we are all – every single human being – guilty of prejudices both gender and ethnic based. We’ve been taught those prejudices from the cradle. Factually, most of us recognize the wrong of those prejudices and try to overcome them. Ingrained prejudices – whether sexism or ethnic are casual because they are UNINTENDED. No one is accusing people who express ingrained prejudices of trying to oppress anyone. 

For the gentlemen reading this… Benefit of the doubt: You are evolved men who would never think of oppressing women.


That’s NOT The Same Thing As Ingrained Misogyny. 

It’s something even more deeply insidious. Most likely, it’s something you do or say completely unwares. It’s probably something akin to what I personally experienced with my own father. My father loves me and has always been proud of me and my talents. He took me to what I think was an art museum (or some kind of picture exhibit) when I was a child and I looked up at a painting in which the eyes seemed to follow you about the room. I said to him that I was going to learn to paint like that (FYI, I did achieve that goal). However, at the time he responded with what I’m certain he believed to be a kindly response and that he was advising me with what he accepted was a necessary truth. He replied, “But, sweetheart, there are no women artists.”

I believe that most people try to understand and make an effort to think and act fairly. But, see, most folks don’t realize the way culturally ingrained misogyny comes out. You, as men, cannot have the experience of the way that misogyny cuts deep into the psyches of women and girls. You cannot experience the burning injustices of it all. It is not possible for you to understand how the cultural misogyny becomes ingrained even in women and girls. Our societies have been ingrained to live and breathe the misogyny as “just the way things are.”

Yet, consider this… Think of the recent kerfuffle over Andy Murray correcting the ingrained, casual misogyny of the reporter who asked him about “the first US player” (not just the first US man – but, the first US person) to have made it to a major semi-final since 2009 – completely ignoring the FOUR American women who’d done so well before this interview with Andy Murray.

Permit me a pause to extend MUCH kudos to Mr. Murray for his enlightened social intellect.

To continue… Put yourselves into those women’s positions… Those four American women in the world of tennis… The reporter accorded the first man to finally achieve what they had long ago achieved the accolade of being first, of being the best, being prime. Those women and their achievements did not exist for that reporter in that moment. Those amazing women athletes were relegated to LESS than the man who finally caught up with them and made the grade. 

That is sexism and ingrained misogyny.

Here is the video of the referenced interview, 

with Andy Murray’s enlightened social intellect on display…